


What If?

by bookplayer



Category: Baby-Sitters Club - Ann M. Martin
Genre: Coming Out, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-03 06:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/378258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookplayer/pseuds/bookplayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kristy just needs a straight answer, but the only answers Abby can give her are anything but straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MimiTheMuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MimiTheMuse/gifts).



I closed the door to my bedroom. My heart was pounding. I started to pace the room, not sure exactly how to say this. I'd been thinking it for weeks, I was so confused, and I just had to talk to someone about what I was thinking. I'd made lists of pros and cons, lists of questions about everything, and I still didn't have any answers.

Abby sat down on the bed, waiting for me. I told her I had to talk to her about something important. After a few minutes of watching me walk from my desk to my window and back, she finally said, "You know, talking usually involves more of the saying things, and less of the making Abby dizzy."

Abby was one of my best friends, and the one I had the most in common with. We were both sixteen and lived in the same neighborhood, we loved sports, and we were usually really blunt, especially to each other. It shouldn't have been so hard, but I could feel myself blushing as I stopped, facing away from her, and said, “What if. . . Abby, what if I'm gay?”

She was quiet for a minute, then she said, “You're gay?”

“I'm not saying that!" I said really fast. Then I turned around to look at her, "But what if I was?

Abby smiled, and raised her eyebrows, “Then you would probably want to date girls instead of boys, right?”

I laughed a little, releaved that she didn't seem as scared of the idea as I was. But there was still a notebook full of questions and problems, so I sighed, “Yeah, like it's that simple.”

“Well, yeah, it kind of is.” She said with a shrug.

“Will you take this seriously? If I'm gay, I'd have to tell my mom and Watson and my siblings and friends. . . what if someone hates me?” I knew that was silly.

Abby did too. “Kristy Thomas, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Who would hate you? Your family will love you no matter what, and your friends already put up with a lot worse from you then you wanting some lady love.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

I rolled my eyes, “ _lady love_?”

"Skirt chasing? Cleavage appreciation? Sharing some lipstick?" Abby laughed, then she saw that I wasn't amused, and got her face down to a smirk. “Sorry. Serious face on.”

I knew that probably was as close as I was going to get to her actually being serious. “Okay. So say my friends are okay with it. What about kids at school? There's all of that awful stuff on the news about kids being bullied.”

“Easy. Anyone messes with you, I'll kick their ass.”

I sighed and sat down next to her on the bed, “Violence is not the answer.”

She nodded, “It's an imaginary answer, to an imaginary question. Yeah, that might happen. But it might not, and you won't know unless you come out.”

She made it sound so easy. But it wasn't. “You don't get it! It's not just school. What if someday I want to be President or something?”

“Ooh, good choice. Politicians have women all over them.”

“Abby! If I'm out, do you know how hard it would be to get elected?”

“Sorry," She said, laughing, "I didn't know the poll numbers were that bad in Kansas.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“You're talking like you're already running. Kristy, you're sixteen! Your priorities right now should be grades, finding someone to make out with, and sports. In that order.”

I laughed a little, “Sports comes before finding someone to make out with.”

“If you're going to be a lesbian, you have to be less stereotypical.” She said with a grin. But that made me scared all of a sudden. I didn't want people to think I was just a stereotype, or be prejudiced against me, and if I was a lesbian that would probably happen.

“I didn't say I'm a lesbian!” I snapped.

“Neither did I." She said, "I just said 'if.' And it was a joke.”

“But you're acting like I said that I am." I said, "What if I tell everyone that, and they all get used to it, and then I fall in love with a guy?”

She tried not to laugh, “Yeah, I know, it's so hard to come out to people as straight. They'll all be so disappointed in you.”

Abby was right. I almost felt silly. But then, a hundred more questions popped into my mind. What if I wasn't allowed to use the girls locker room? What if there were no other gay girls at SHS and I never had a date in high school? What if I wanted kids someday, would I even be allowed to adopt or something?

I sighed and stood up. I walked over to my desk, to the notebook where I'd written my lists of questions and pros and cons. “I can't deal with this. I can't do it. There's too much I don't know, about me, about other people, about the world. I need a plan, and I can't make a plan, and I'm going crazy.”

“I get it, Kristy. I really do. But you're never going to have the answers, and whatever you decide to do, you can't let it drive you crazy.”

“What if I'm already crazy? What if I need a psychologist?”

“What if the Mets make it to the series, the lose when they fumble a easy fly ball?”

I stopped and turned to her, “You really think the Mets could make the series?”

She laughed, “At least your priorities are still in order.”

“Look, you're not taking this seriously, and I don't need this right now.” I snapped.

She smiled, but I could tell she was being honest when she said, “Kristy, I'm not taking this seriously because this is not a serious conversation. It's a guessing game about what might happen, and I totally understand it, but you're never going to answer any of these questions. Believe me, I do this enough, but then I realize that it's not worth getting worked up about so I start joking with myself.”

“Like what?”

Abby laughed, “Like, what if the world ends? What if Elvis is alive? What if I'm gay too, and I think you're really cute?”

“What if WHAT?” I said. I was completely surprised. I couldn't believe what I had heard.

Abby bit her lip and just stared at me, blushing a little like I did when I first brought up the subject. She looked really pretty. Beautiful, really.

“What- um, I mean, what if I, you know, um, kissed you?” I said, more shyly then I've ever said anything in my whole life. Then I held my breath.

“I think we might have found one we can answer!” She laughed, and she got up and came over to me. I looked up and kissed her softly on the lips, and she kissed me back. When we pulled away, she was smiling. I just felt shocked.

Shocked, but really happy. Really, unbelievably happy. And I wanted to kiss her more. I was grinning, and she laughed and said, “Well?”

“I like the answer to that question. . . and I think maybe I'm ready to find the answer to a few more. Like what our family and friends might think.” It was weird, but I wasn't as scared. I think the fact that coming out meant that I get to kiss Abby more outweighed pretty much every con on my lists.

“Me too.” She said. Then she got this sneaky grin. “But not until after I sleep over one last time.”

My eyes got wide. There was no way I was supposed to be sleeping in the same room with a girl I wanted to kiss this much. But mom wouldn't suspect anything, and it wasn't like we could get pregnant. And this opportunity probably wasn't going to happen again for a while.

I whispered, “What if I lock the door?”

She nodded, and I hurried and locked the door.

We came out to our families the next day.


End file.
